Clean jokes - post 'em here

[kevinchess1]

I once lost my luggage when I flew to Helsinki, it just vanished into Finnair.

[kevinchess1]

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night
Nearly took my eye out

[kevinchess1]

The three unwritten rules of life:

1.
2.
3.

[kevinchess1]

Mackem rushes into the pub and says 'Quick barman give us a pint before the trouble starts!'
Barman gives him a pint and says 'Trouble, what trouble?'
Mackem down the pint and replies 'I don't have any money.'

[kevinchess1]

Subway are advertising for staff, apparently they've got thousands of roles to fill.

[kevinchess1]

Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce, he's a rocket man.

[kevinchess1]

I’m on a weird tropical fruit diet. It's enough to make a mango crazy.

[kevinchess1]

I'm going to check out the new restaurant called Karma.
There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.

[kevinchess1]

I spent all last night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me.

[kevinchess1]

So I've got one of those things that tells you you haven't done enough exercise, it's called a wife .