imutual.co.uk

Reminds me of that joke ‘what’s the difference between a large pizza and Mackem?’
‘A large pizza can feed a family of four!’

Thank you, student loans, for getting me through university.

I don’t think I can ever repay you.

I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night.

I've never run so far in all my life.

SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school today.

ME: What's that?

SON: It’s a big building with students, but that’s not important right now!

I made a Christmas cake using my Mother's icing recipe. To make it I used Massaucepan.

We had octopus for Christmas dinner - everyone got a leg.

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.

So far I've got 5,000 signatures.

I was looking at the pencils in our local stationary store when I said to the owner,

"2b or not 2b?"

"Think your funny,?" he said to me, "get out, you're bard "

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i97FkO3d_lU

I promise this is safe for work, topical and amusing.
It's also less than 30 seconds long.

Doesn’t time fly
Seems like only last month it was Christmas
And now it’s the end of May

Lol good ones, let me try-