Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jan 24 2020 7:46pm

I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time

I think I've forgotten this before......

But then, I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jan 24 2020 7:46pm

They say that one good thing about Alzheimer's is that you get to meet new people every day......
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jan 24 2020 7:53pm

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse", has never stepped on one.......
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Jan 25 2020 11:56pm

My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

Now he's leaving little messages all around the house.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Jan 26 2020 12:00am

Alcohol solves nothing.

Then again, neither does milk.....
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Jan 26 2020 12:02am

An optimist is someone who doesn't know how big the problem is......
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Jan 26 2020 6:59pm

The Queen is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. There's a ward full of patients who she notices are all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. So she goes to greet the first patient, but he just replies

“My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.”

Confused, she smiles and moves on to the next patient, wo says

“Some hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it,
But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”

Even more confused, she moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:

“My love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June;
My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.”

Now very confused, the Queen turns to the doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”

“No, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor. “This is the serious Burns unit........”
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Jan 29 2020 11:37pm

Image

Seems a fair swap....... :shifty:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Feb 03 2020 4:16pm

The man who invented predictive text for mobile phones died yesterday. :(

'His funfair will be hell a weed on Monkey' :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Feb 03 2020 11:07pm

Image
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