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Murphy takes his dog to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well", Says the vet "Let's take a look at him."
and he picks the dog up and looks into his eyes, then checks his ears, then checks his teeth
then finally, he says. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."

"What?", said Murphy "Just because he's cross-eyed?!!"

"No," said the vet, "Because he's really heavy!!"

Did he do a Lab report?

kevinchess1 wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 23 2020 2:05pm

Did he do a Lab report?

Yep, and a cat scan.....

I was going to have a brain transplant - but then I changed my mind....

The counsellor said I was preoccupied by vengeance.... well, we'll see about that

Murphy was feeling really proud of himself.

The jigsaw puzzle said "3-5 years", but he finished it in less than a month!

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD.

I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole one liner is urined.

Padraig has the heart of a lion.

He's been banned from Dublin Zoo...

Padraig lost his job at the bank on the very first day.

A woman asked him to check her balance, so he pushed her over.