Clean jokes - post 'em here

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Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Jan 18 2021 8:43am

Stockportcounty has asked to Sky and BT to have channels with no added crowd noise so he can enjoy the real atmosphere of a home game.

(Continued from this thread)
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Jan 19 2021 12:31pm

(At the library) Excuse me, have you got that book about vaccine jabs in Wales?'
'Yes but we're holding it back.'
'That's the one.' :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jan 24 2021 11:14am

I cant wait to get myself a 3D printer I'm probably getting ahead of myself.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Feb 12 2021 6:15pm

An elderly man living alone in Milton Keynes wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Feb 14 2021 12:04pm

The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is you never walk about shiny wasp horse cubs.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Feb 16 2021 5:29pm

Just seen a man sat on the pavement with a dish in front of him dressed up as Henry the eighth . I thought to myself that's not right , Beggars can't be Tudors .

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by fattulip74 » Tue Feb 16 2021 9:14pm

Although I'm not a Catholic as today is pancake day I've made a decision, I'm giving up picking my belly button for lint.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 17 2021 9:40am

I’m giving up my spell checker for Lint
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Feb 20 2021 11:15am

mackem 'It's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get up!'
'That's not how sobriety tests work,' replied the policeman.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Feb 21 2021 10:00am

I know someone who sounds like an owl...
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