Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
Posts: 9151
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:26 pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1412 times
Been thanked: 7390 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:21 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:11 pm
At the local Hindu corner store, I spent a few minutes talking to the statue of Ganesh that they keep on the counter.

Just a bit of idol chatter.
Was that a trunk call? :eh:
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

gle1975
Posts: 142
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:43 am
Has thanked: 98 times
Been thanked: 126 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:03 pm

macliam wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:21 pm
kevinchess1 wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:11 pm
At the local Hindu corner store, I spent a few minutes talking to the statue of Ganesh that they keep on the counter.

Just a bit of idol chatter.
Was that a trunk call? :eh:
I bought some parsley, chives and croutons from that shop - to use as a Ganesh in my dinner.
Thanked by: kevinchess1, blythburgh

macliam
Posts: 9151
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:26 pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1412 times
Been thanked: 7390 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:31 pm

gle1975 wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:03 pm
macliam wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:21 pm
kevinchess1 wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:11 pm
At the local Hindu corner store, I spent a few minutes talking to the statue of Ganesh that they keep on the counter.

Just a bit of idol chatter.
Was that a trunk call? :eh:
I bought some parsley, chives and croutons from that shop - to use as a Ganesh in my dinner.
Was that a jumbo pack?
Thanked by: kevinchess1, blythburgh
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

kevinchess1
Posts: 23289
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:02 pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12157 times
Been thanked: 16532 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:42 pm

macliam wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 5:43 pm
Staff in a Dublin hotel got very anxious when they saw a guest had registered as an IRA spokesman.
They called Special Branch, who sent two men and a dog along to investigate. The fact the guest was American - and black - and had the very in-Irish name of Van Gelph didn't seem to cool their intrigue, so they knocked on his door, keeping one hand on the snub-nose revolvers (or so they said....). :wtf:

The door opened, and the middle-aged American was surprised to be asked what he was doing in Dublin. He explained he was attending a financial conference and reached (slowly....) for a business card, which stated - Victor Van Gelph, Senior VP, Satis Investments. "Your Individual Retirement Account Specialists". :roll:

Then the penny dropped - it was probably the only time anyone was happy to meet a pension salesman!! :shifty:

His trial comes up next week...... ;)
Many years ago, a chap named Nick Griffin? was reasonably succeful in charge of the BNP polotical party
At the same time the French open tennis was sponsored by The FRench Bank, BNP They had posters all over
Thanked by: blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23289
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:02 pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12157 times
Been thanked: 16532 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:25 pm

Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
Thanked by: macliam, Chadwick, rayf, blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23289
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:02 pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12157 times
Been thanked: 16532 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Dec 07, 2018 4:50 pm

A work colleague got hurt today when a box of Omega 3 tablets was thrown at him... Luckily he suffered only super fish oil injuries.
Thanked by: Chadwick, blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23289
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:02 pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12157 times
Been thanked: 16532 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:10 pm

So I've started dating this wonderful girl who works at the Zoo.
she's a keeper...
Thanked by: Chadwick
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23289
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:02 pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12157 times
Been thanked: 16532 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:13 pm

Harry Redknapp has finally won something.
Politically incorrect since 69

blythburgh
Posts: 15970
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:14 pm
Location: The Far East
Has thanked: 29864 times
Been thanked: 5759 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:33 am

Theresa May was sick of begging other EU leaders for help so she sent a lookalike/soundalike who who hoped would be more successful.

President Macron kissed her on both cheeks and had a long conversation with her. As did many other leaders. Then the May clone met Angela Merkel who looked shocked and asked who let this unknown woman near her. But it is Mrs May her advisors told her. "No she isn't" Frau Merkel replied, did none of you men notice how small the beads in her necklace are?

You see, it really does take a woman to see when the wool is being pulled over your eyes
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

Constantine
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:04 pm
Has thanked: 41 times
Been thanked: 363 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Constantine » Sat Dec 15, 2018 4:35 pm

This is swiped off Amazon. Specifically, somebody was interested in buying a Tefal Actifry Traditional, Air Fryer, 1400W, 1Kg Capacity, Black, and asked the following question;

Is it big enough for a family of 4?

Answer: Oh gosh no - you would be hard pushed to fit a small squirrel in... no way a whole family of four.

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: ben7 and 0 guests