Clean jokes - post 'em here

[kevinchess1]

Reminds me of that joke ‘what’s the difference between a large pizza and Mackem?’
‘A large pizza can feed a family of four!’

[kevinchess1]

Thank you, student loans, for getting me through university.

I don’t think I can ever repay you.

[kevinchess1]

I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night.

I've never run so far in all my life.

[kevinchess1]

SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school today.

ME: What's that?

SON: It’s a big building with students, but that’s not important right now!

[gle1975]

I made a Christmas cake using my Mother's icing recipe. To make it I used Massaucepan.

We had octopus for Christmas dinner - everyone got a leg.

[kevinchess1]

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.

So far I've got 5,000 signatures.

[kevinchess1]

I was looking at the pencils in our local stationary store when I said to the owner,

"2b or not 2b?"

"Think your funny,?" he said to me, "get out, you're bard "

[Chadwick]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i97FkO3d_lU

I promise this is safe for work, topical and amusing.
It's also less than 30 seconds long.

[kevinchess1]

Doesn’t time fly
Seems like only last month it was Christmas
And now it’s the end of May

[im181984]

Lol good ones, let me try-