Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 12:15 pm

My New Year resolution is to give up aerosols
Roll on 2020
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gle1975
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:10 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:32 pm
A man walks into an Australian shop and asks, “G’day, do you have any endless expansive desert?”

“Not sure” says the assistant, “I’ll have to check if we have any outback
According to Norris McWhirter, the most expansive desert is an ice cream with grated truffle and gold leaf.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:43 pm

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words Complete and Finished. Some people say there is no difference but there is.
When you marry the right woman you are Complete . When you marry the wrong woman you are Finished.And if you marry a woman that likes shopping you are Completely Finished.

kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Aug 13, 2019 4:28 pm

I was running flat out with the ball at my feet. The keeper ran towards me, screaming and waving his arms about. But i wasn't about to let him put me off. I feigned right, he lunged that way, but I went left and got around him before unleashing a screamer! :thumbup:
Completely wrecked his beehive :?
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Aug 17, 2019 12:59 am

Delia ‘Hannibal’ Smith.
“I love it when a flan comes together”
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poland71
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by poland71 » Sun Aug 18, 2019 9:27 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:13 pm
Harry Redknapp has finally won something.
Now, now...he did take Portsmouth all the way as manager to win the FA Cup in May 2008.
Beating Cardiff City 1-0. The first time the club had been in an FA Cup final for 69 years.
I do believe he's the last English manager to win a major English Football competition.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:10 pm

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:11 pm

Nicked from the Fringe
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:13 pm

Other jokes from The Fringe:-

Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.

What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh.

A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'.

A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it.

Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning.

I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it.

After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging.

To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian

I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts.

kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:38 pm

1,3 and 4 aren’t original
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