Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Sep 02 2019 5:16pm

I wish tree puns were more Poplar
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Sep 06 2019 3:31pm

Image

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10 2019 6:20pm

A man wearing a tie fastener walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t like your tie pin here”.

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10 2019 7:22pm

I lost my job as a stage designer,I left without making a scene.

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10 2019 10:33pm

I used to have an origami business , but it folded!
Thanked by: blythburgh, xxxraichxxx

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Sep 13 2019 4:07pm

Image

rayf
Posts: 1806
Joined: Fri Nov 12 2010 8:50pm
Has thanked: 530 times
Been thanked: 799 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by rayf » Fri Sep 13 2019 4:16pm

expressman33 wrote:
Fri Sep 13 2019 4:07pm
Image
and a fire extinguisher too ? :?:

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Sep 14 2019 10:37pm

I always try to go the extra mile.
Which is why I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Thanked by: Denant, blythburgh, xxxraichxxx
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Sep 16 2019 9:27am

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1."
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage.
"I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

blythburgh
Posts: 17733
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 7:14pm
Location: The Far East
Has thanked: 35001 times
Been thanked: 6106 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Mon Sep 16 2019 10:20am

expressman33 wrote:
Fri Sep 13 2019 4:07pm
Image
If there is anywhere likely to bring on a heart attack it must be a crem so a great idea.
Thanked by: xxxraichxxx
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests