Over 18s jokes - post here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Jul 31 2019 7:33am

Caster Semenya refusing to submit to hormone-reducing medication in order to defend the 800m world title.

Just man up, sorry just man down Caster...
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Jul 31 2019 9:44pm

I brought my naan bread from Asda.

Then i remembered, she died last year.
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Aug 04 2019 10:52pm

Please show some decorum and resist making jokes about the USA school shootings
Aim at a younger audience
Thanked by: blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Sep 01 2019 12:36am

Q. Why did the letter H kill him self?
A. Because the G had
Thanked by: stockportcounty
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Sep 01 2019 7:06pm

People who fabricate quotes by famous people are the lowest scum of the Earth

Stephen Hawking
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Sep 02 2019 12:02pm

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

blythburgh
Posts: 17737
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 7:14pm
Location: The Far East
Has thanked: 35005 times
Been thanked: 6106 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by blythburgh » Fri Sep 06 2019 10:52am

From a friend in an FB group;

I got a new job at the zoo, circumcising elephants.
The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous.
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Sep 07 2019 10:21pm

At the cinema last night, I flicked a few peanuts at this girl sitting in front of me for a laugh.

She didn't half over-react!

'Anaphylactic shock,' the paramedics called it.
Thanked by: blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Sep 22 2019 2:10pm

Throwing acid is bad
In some people’s eyes
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by expressman33 » Wed Sep 25 2019 1:16pm

A little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa.

Dad says - "Don't worry son , I'm just filling mummy with petrol"

Son replies - "She doesn't do many miles to the gallon does she dad ? Uncle Dave only filled her up at dinner time , and he used a bigger nozzle ! "

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests