Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 12:48 pm

Murphy takes his dog to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well", Says the vet "Let's take a look at him."
and he picks the dog up and looks into his eyes, then checks his ears, then checks his teeth
then finally, he says. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."

"What?", said Murphy "Just because he's cross-eyed?!!"

"No," said the vet, "Because he's really heavy!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:05 pm

Did he do a Lab report?
Politically incorrect since 69

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:07 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:05 pm
Did he do a Lab report?
Yep, and a cat scan.....
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 6:49 pm

I was going to have a brain transplant - but then I changed my mind....
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 6:52 pm

The counsellor said I was preoccupied by vengeance.... well, we'll see about that :shifty:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 6:54 pm

Murphy was feeling really proud of himself.

The jigsaw puzzle said "3-5 years", but he finished it in less than a month!
Last edited by macliam on Thu Jan 23, 2020 7:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 6:57 pm

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD.

I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 7:01 pm

I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole one liner is urined.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23, 2020 7:07 pm

Padraig has the heart of a lion.

He's been banned from Dublin Zoo...
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jan 24, 2020 7:15 pm

Padraig lost his job at the bank on the very first day.

A woman asked him to check her balance, so he pushed her over.
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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