Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9279 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Feb 11 2020 7:14pm

It was assessment day at the local asylum and the doctor was introduced to an inmate called Sam.

After a few minutes chatting, the doctor said "Well, Sam, I can't see any reason for you to be kept here any longer"

"I agree with you, doctor", said Sam "I've been trying to tell them, but they don't listen!"

"Never mind", said the doctor "I'll go straight to admin and get them to sign your discharge papers"

He turns and heads of down the corridor - but then a half-brick hits him on the back of the head.

He looks back down the corridor and there's Sam smiling and waving "Don't forget!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9279 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Feb 11 2020 7:21pm

Then the doctor meets Joe, who is trotting around and making beeping noises.

"Excuse me", asks the doctor, "What on earth are you doing?"

"I’m driving my car!", saysJoe,excitedly. "Beep beep!"

"Now, now", says the doctor, "this is just an illusion..."

Then a voice comes from the bed opposite, "Oy doc, shaddup will you! I get £5 a day to wash the bloody thing"
Thanked by: gle1975
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

gle1975
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon Aug 23 2010 11:43am
Has thanked: 203 times
Been thanked: 178 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Wed Feb 12 2020 2:07pm

The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9279 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12 2020 7:48pm

gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12 2020 2:07pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
Well, if Micheál becomes the new Taoiseach that could happen, "Jest ta give the Cahrk bais access ta Cro-ahke Pairk, junno, leyk" - and it'll still come in cheaper than HS2!!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 12 2020 8:12pm

gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12 2020 2:07pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
As funny as a bridge between Ireland and England :lol: …oh...wait :?
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 12 2020 8:27pm

I can't be bothered to rub my magic lamp myself.

I think I'll get A lad in.
Thanked by: macliam
Politically incorrect since 69

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9279 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12 2020 10:11pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Wed Feb 12 2020 8:12pm
gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12 2020 2:07pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
As funny as a bridge between Ireland and England :lol: …oh...wait :?
That would be a bit far, stick to one between Ireland and Scotland like Boris wants - after all, the one under London came in on time and budget, didn't it? They could start it just after the new Airport in the Thames estuary!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9279 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12 2020 10:12pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Wed Feb 12 2020 8:27pm
I can't be bothered to rub my magic lamp myself.

I think I'll get A lad in.
In genie us.
Thanked by: kevinchess1, Chadwick
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Feb 14 2020 4:20am

Soppy old Expresso gave his wife 6 Roses for Valentines Day
He ate the rest of the box himself
Thanked by: expressman33
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Feb 14 2020 4:22am

Here’s hoping all the ladies are enjoying VD
if you’re a dad some single, cheer up, Pancake day next week
Politically incorrect since 69

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests