Clean jokes - post 'em here

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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Feb 11, 2020 7:14 pm

It was assessment day at the local asylum and the doctor was introduced to an inmate called Sam.

After a few minutes chatting, the doctor said "Well, Sam, I can't see any reason for you to be kept here any longer"

"I agree with you, doctor", said Sam "I've been trying to tell them, but they don't listen!"

"Never mind", said the doctor "I'll go straight to admin and get them to sign your discharge papers"

He turns and heads of down the corridor - but then a half-brick hits him on the back of the head.

He looks back down the corridor and there's Sam smiling and waving "Don't forget!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Feb 11, 2020 7:21 pm

Then the doctor meets Joe, who is trotting around and making beeping noises.

"Excuse me", asks the doctor, "What on earth are you doing?"

"I’m driving my car!", saysJoe,excitedly. "Beep beep!"

"Now, now", says the doctor, "this is just an illusion..."

Then a voice comes from the bed opposite, "Oy doc, shaddup will you! I get £5 a day to wash the bloody thing"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:07 pm

The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:48 pm

gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:07 pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
Well, if Micheál becomes the new Taoiseach that could happen, "Jest ta give the Cahrk bais access ta Cro-ahke Pairk, junno, leyk" - and it'll still come in cheaper than HS2!!
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:12 pm

gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:07 pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
As funny as a bridge between Ireland and England :lol: …oh...wait :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:27 pm

I can't be bothered to rub my magic lamp myself.

I think I'll get A lad in.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:11 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:12 pm
gle1975 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:07 pm
The Irish government have just announced their big infrastructure scheme - a tunnel between Dublin and Cork.
As funny as a bridge between Ireland and England :lol: …oh...wait :?
That would be a bit far, stick to one between Ireland and Scotland like Boris wants - after all, the one under London came in on time and budget, didn't it? They could start it just after the new Airport in the Thames estuary!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:12 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:27 pm
I can't be bothered to rub my magic lamp myself.

I think I'll get A lad in.
In genie us.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:20 am

Soppy old Expresso gave his wife 6 Roses for Valentines Day
He ate the rest of the box himself
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:22 am

Here’s hoping all the ladies are enjoying VD
if you’re a dad some single, cheer up, Pancake day next week
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