Post
by macliam » Sun Nov 16 2014 12:12am
A solicitor from London was out shooting in Suffolk for the weekend. He spotted a mallard in flight and quickly raised his gun and shot it - but it fell into a neighbouring field.
Just as he had climbed over the fence to get it, the old farmer arrived on his tractor - "Hold yew hard! "Where d'yew be a goin' to?" he asked. The solicitor explained the situation, but the farmer just said "Thes yers private property - get off of moi land!"
The solicitor was none too happy about this and said "I am well known to the magistrates around here, If you don't let me get my bird, I'll sue you and make you regret this day!"
But the old farmer said "dasht if yew will boi, This in't London an we use simple local rules fer sortin out things - the trial of three kicks. Way it works is, oi giv'ee three kicks, then you do the same, an on, an on till one of us gives in"
The Lawyer, boiling with rage at this peasant's insolence, looked at the old man and fancied his chances to teach him a lesson. So he agreed to the trial and the farmer came across, very slowly, and stood right in front of him.
Without warning, the farmer kicked the solicitor right in the family jewels and the solicitor dropped to his knees, eyes watering. Whereupon the farmer brought his heavy welly up and nearly took off his nose! Then as the solicitor was trying to come to his senses, the farmer gave him a third hard kick in the kidneys ..... which was almost enough to make the solicitor give up. But he was so full of bile that he forced himself to stand back up, racked with pain and covered with blood - "OK, now it's my turn, old man!" he said with an evil grin.
But the old farmer just smiled and said "Nah, bor - Oi give up.... yew can take yer old duck!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me